Parents are often curious about what factors influence their children’s personality traits. One factor that many experts believe is significant is birth order. It is widely believed that the position a child occupies in the family hierarchy can impact their personality, as they will receive different treatment from parents based on whether they are the oldest, middle, youngest, or only child. In this article, we’ll explore the potential birth order personality traits for each of these positions.

1. Firstborn Personality Traits

As the oldest sibling, firstborns are typically raised with a mix of instinct and trial-and-error. This often leads parents to become by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and overly concerned about the little things. This parenting style, in turn, may cause the child to become a perfectionist, always striving to please their parents. Firstborns tend to bask in their parents’ presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. They’re also prone to being diligent and wanting to excel at everything they do. As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be reliable, conscientious, structured, cautious, controlling, and achievers.

Firstborn Strengths

Since they have their parents to themselves before siblings arrive, the firstborn is accustomed to being the center of attention. “Many parents spend more time reading and explaining things to firstborns. It’s not as easy when other kids come into the picture,” says Frank Farley, Ph.D., a psychologist at Temple University in Philadelphia, who has studied personality and human development for decades.

“That undivided attention may have a lot to do with why firstborns tend to be overachievers,” he explains. In addition to usually scoring higher on IQ tests and getting more education than their siblings, firstborns tend to outearn them.

Firstborn Challenges

Success comes with a price: Firstborns tend to be type A personalities who never cut themselves any slack. “They often have an intense fear of failure, so nothing they accomplish feels good enough,” says Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., a child and family therapist in White Plains, New York. And because they dread making a misstep, oldest kids tend to stick to the straight and narrow: “They’re typically inflexible—they don’t like change and are hesitant to step out of their comfort zone,” she explains.

In addition, because parents give firstborns a lot of responsibility at home—whether it’s helping with chores or watching over younger siblings—they can be quick to take charge (and can be bossy when they do). That burden can lead to excess stress for a child who already feels pressure to be perfect.

2. Middle Child Personality Traits

When a second child comes along, parents might raise them with less of an iron fist due to their previous experience. They might also be less attentive since there are other children in their lives. Therefore, the middle child is often a people-pleaser due to the lack of attention they get compared to older siblings and younger siblings.

“The middle child often feels left out and a sense of, ‘Well, I’m not the oldest. I’m not the youngest. Who am I?'” says Meri Wallace, a child and family therapist for over 20 years and author of Birth Order Blues. This sort of hierarchical floundering leads middle children to make their mark among their peers since parental attention is usually devoted to the beloved firstborn or baby of the family. What’s more, “middle children are the toughest to pin down because they play off their older sibling,” says Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist who has studied birth order since 1967 and author of The Birth Order

Only Child Personality Traits

As the only child, they benefit from the full attention of their parents, which means they might be more spoiled and independent than their peers. “Being an only child often leads to higher self-esteem and academic achievement,” says Susan Newman, Ph.D., a social psychologist and author of The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide.

Because they don’t have to compete with siblings for their parents’ attention, only children may grow up to be more self-centered and demanding, according to Dr. Leman. However, they are also likely to be mature for their age, given the amount of time they spend with adults.

Only children often share the following birth order personality traits:

Mature for their age

Perfectionist

Sensitive to criticism

Self-centered

Independent

Leaders

Only child strengths

As Dr. Newman notes, “Only children are able to do things on their own and have learned how to be comfortable being alone.” They are often very independent and mature because they are used to having their own space and time. This independence can lead to a strong sense of self and a confidence in their abilities.

Because they are often treated like mini-adults, only children tend to have strong verbal skills, advanced vocabulary, and a deep understanding of adult topics. They are also known for their leadership skills and ability to take charge when necessary.

Only child challenges

While only children are often seen as more mature and independent, they can also struggle with social skills. “Only children can be used to getting their own way and not used to sharing or compromise,” says Dr. Dunlap. Because they don’t have to compete with siblings, only children may not develop the same negotiation skills and ability to work in a team as their peers.

Additionally, only children may struggle with criticism since they are used to being the center of attention and may take feedback personally. They may also struggle with loneliness and have difficulty making friends, given their lack of experience navigating social situations with siblings.

Youngest Child Personality Traits

As the baby of the family, the youngest child often benefits from the least amount of attention from their parents, which can lead to a rebellious streak. “They’re the ones who will say, ‘I don’t care, I’ll do it anyway,'” says Dr. Leman. The youngest child is often more outgoing and social than their siblings, given their natural inclination to seek attention.

In general, youngest children often possess the following birth order personality traits:

Outgoing

Attention-seeking

Rebellious

Creative

Funny

Charming

Youngest child strengths

Youngest children often have strong social skills and excel in creative pursuits. They are known for their charm and ability to make others laugh, which can be a valuable asset in both personal and professional settings.

Because they are used to getting less attention than their older siblings, youngest children often learn how to be independent and take care of themselves. They are also often more laid-back and flexible than their older siblings, given their position as the baby of the family.

Youngest child challenges

Youngest children may struggle with a sense of inadequacy, given their position as the baby of the family. “They often feel like they need to prove themselves to their older siblings or parents,” says Dr. Dunlap. This can lead to a competitive streak and a desire to be the best at everything they do.

Because they often receive less attention from their parents, youngest children may also struggle with feelings of insecurity and have difficulty asserting themselves in social situations. They may also struggle with responsibility, given their natural inclination to be carefree and spontaneous.

While birth order personality traits are not set in stone, they can provide valuable insights into your child’s behavior and help you be a better parent.