As parents, it can be tough to see our children cry. Our immediate reaction is often to make it stop, but this may not be the best approach. Crying is a natural and healthy way for toddlers to process and communicate their emotions. In fact, studies have shown that hearing a crying child triggers our brains to be more attentive and ready to help, even if the child is not our own. Here are some tips on how to support your crying toddler.
Recognize That Crying Is Not Always Sadness
Crying is not necessarily a reflection of sadness for toddlers. They may cry when they are angry, frustrated, afraid, excited, confused, anxious, or even happy. It can be challenging for toddlers to explain how they feel in words, so it is essential to acknowledge their emotions and provide support.
Avoid Telling Them to Stop Crying
Telling your child to stop crying may make them feel like their emotions are unimportant and invalid. Instead, show empathy and understanding by acknowledging their feelings. It is also essential to stay calm and focused, even when your child is crying loudly.
Avoid Distractions
Distractions are not always effective, and they may prevent your child from learning how to cope with their emotions. Distraction may work for situations where a child is fighting over a toy, but it is not useful when they are crying because they wanted to put their shoes on by themselves. Instead, try to connect with your child, so they feel heard and understood.
What to Say When Your Child Is Crying
When your child is crying, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then use a low and gentle voice to say the following:
1. “We’re on the same team. I will help you.”
This assures your child that you are there to support them, even if they say they do not want your help.
2. “I can see this is hard for you.”
This simple phrase acknowledges that you hear and see your child and helps them feel seen and heard.
3. “I understand you’re feeling (insert emotion) and that’s okay.”
This reinforces the idea that emotions are a natural part of being human and helps your child feel validated.
4. “That was really (insert emotion).”
This acknowledges the event that triggered your child’s crying, helping them figure out what to do next.
5. “Let’s take a break.”
If your child is over-stimulated or tired, it may be helpful to take a break and have some quiet time.
6. “I love you. You are safe.”
This reassures your child that they are loved and safe and helps them feel secure.
7. “Would you like help/a break/to try again?”
This empowers your child by giving them options and helps them feel important and significant.
8. “I can hear you are crying, but I don’t know what you need. Can you help me understand?”
This shows your child that you are there to listen and understand them, even if they cannot verbalize their feelings.
In conclusion, it is essential to recognize that crying is a natural and healthy way for toddlers to process and communicate their emotions. Avoid telling your child to stop crying or using distractions to make them stop. Instead, show empathy and understanding, and use gentle language to validate their emotions. Remember to stay calm and focused, even when your child is crying loudly, and reassure them that they are loved and safe. With these tips, you can support your crying toddler and help them develop emotional self-regulation.
